Lost all hopes

I have lost all hopes in love and its derivatives... driven to utter desperation, I have interacted with unknown women of almost all ages through the internet and indulged in the extreme cyber-sex. At the end of it all, I felt guilty, used up like a bloody trash waiting to be thrown into the trashcan next door. I have got habituated in porn and that has not done any good to my mental well-being. Although I do good in keeping myself cheerful all along the day, I slump into the greatest possible depression at the dark of the night. With the kind of pain that I have gone through, I should not have loved anyone. But then, when did my heart listen to my brain! The resultant: I have got ignored over and over again. Every nice maiden I have fallen in love with have sweetly turned me down. Am I that bad?
I know I am not doing good in the things that I am indulging in daily. But I would be insane otherwise....