Lost all hopes

I have lost all hopes in love and its derivatives... driven to utter desperation, I have interacted with unknown women of almost all ages through the internet and indulged in the extreme cyber-sex. At the end of it all, I felt guilty, used up like a bloody trash waiting to be thrown into the trashcan next door. I have got habituated in porn and that has not done any good to my mental well-being. Although I do good in keeping myself cheerful all along the day, I slump into the greatest possible depression at the dark of the night. With the kind of pain that I have gone through, I should not have loved anyone. But then, when did my heart listen to my brain! The resultant: I have got ignored over and over again. Every nice maiden I have fallen in love with have sweetly turned me down. Am I that bad?
I know I am not doing good in the things that I am indulging in daily. But I would be insane otherwise....

Finding the foothold.. all over again

Been quite a while since I posted anything on this barren blog of mine... a bit like my ownself.. ignored, rejected.. left to battle on his own. When I reopened the page after quite a while, I found it quite attractive and decided not to let it be on his own any more. I would nourish and help it grow, give it the strength that it needs to fight and stand for its own true self in the blogosphere... yes... that's a promise...

Alone

जाने क्या सोच कर नही गुज़रा
एक पल रातभर नही गुज़रा
अपनी तन्हाई का औरों से न इज़हार करना
तुम अकेले ही तो नही हो
सब अकेले हैं
यह अकेला सफर नही गुज़रा

Beautiful words from the poet, most probably Gulzar
Yes, alone is the path, alone is the destiny__________

That girl

The other day, I saw the girl I had fallen in love with, holding hands with a stranger. She had found nothing special in me. But that guy had been able to woo her into submission. She liked everything about him. His tall lanky features, his high cheekbones, his dark complexion, muscular body, his shining smile... she had hopelessly fallen in love with the prince. And I was not in the picture... still I would keep on gazing at her! wonder when she would turn her eyes towards me. One glance... at least once... all I needed was just one loving glance from her. And I waited just for that. And then... it was there.. the glance for which I had been waiting impatiently, but where? oh where was love? All that I saw was disgust, contempt and fire in those beautiful eyes, eyes which had melted my heart a zillion times, those eyes once again hit me hard. This time, though, the heart did not melt, there was a cracking sound and it broke!

Rejection? Forget it!

This blog is all about me, myself. I am least bothered to talk about the world and the universe. It's all me, my thoughts, my feelings, my craziness and my love that I am gonna talk about. Excuse me, but this is my land and am gonna cultivate whatever I feel like.

Yes, I have faced rejection with dignity. Till date I seriously fell in love 3 times, out of which the first time, I could not propose. The second and third times I have been rejected. I never ever got the reason though from either of the two. Thought I would end my life, thought I would leave the world, but that, as I understood later, would have been sheer stupidity on my part.

I searched the whole Internet on how to cope with rejection and got some seriously good advice there. They say:
It's the shortcoming of the ones who reject. Somewhere they are unable to take in the person as their soul mate. Its their bloody problem. Not something that the 'rejected' has something to do about. When we get rejected, we feel we have the shortcoming, we lack something, we are unfit to be loved and there, there lies the problem. But if you look more closely, its not our problem, its their problem. And forever, girls are very stupid in matters of the heart. They are unable to decide whom to pick and whom not to pick. They forever expect someone better to come down the line, their oh-so-cute price charming and ironically, that rarely happens. So, friend, if you have been rejected, do not feel sad. You do not lack resources. The people who rejected you failed to understand the lover in you. It is their shortcoming, not yours.
But this is love's curse. A curse that has haunted me for ages and time immemorial. I have always had love in abundance, but when it has been about reciprocation, my bag has invariably been empty, all the time, all the while.

Good you see! On the positive note, probably their are very few individuals who are stronger mentally than what I am. The curse which was meant for me, I have turned to a boon!

I love you

I love you.
To say the truth I love every goddamn girl I have ever met.
But none have ever reciprocated.
I am very introvert and do not express my feelings.
Probably that has been my shortcoming.